Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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