maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
