i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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