Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My dick has a subreddit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
