dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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