Sry I called you an 8
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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