I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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