at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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