Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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