it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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