Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
