I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
