Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
