Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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