I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
