you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
