Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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