I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
