so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
