She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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