i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
