I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
