I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
