i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
