I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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