Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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