My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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