you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
