I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
