Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
