How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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