I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
