honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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