I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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