so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
