my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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