So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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