lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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