I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it's like iHOP with fire
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
