we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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