Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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