Plan B is the new Plan A
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
