Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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