What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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