My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
