I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
