I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
