Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
