about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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