I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
