Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
