I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
