And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
