I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
