i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
