Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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