You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
