I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
