those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
