Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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