she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
