You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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