we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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